Tuesday, November 30, 2021

An Education in Muffin Tops

In April of 1017 we were on a car trip and passing through a trendy city looking for some morning chow. I saw a sign for muffin tops at a breakfast place. At the time I thought the term muffin top was an euphemism for fat bulging over one's belt.

"Why would anyone refer to a muffin top at a restaurant?" I thought.

We pulled in to investigate. What we discovered was that some clever entrepreneur came up with the idea that people shouldn't have to soldier through the bottom of a muffin to gain access to the more desirable cap. Science and technology has allowed us to just purchase the muffin top and get on with it, straight away. I asked a young guy behind the counter, named "Chet," how they made just muffin tops,

"We cut the bottoms off and throw them away," Chet replied.

Apparently, I pay just as much for a full muffin as I do for a muffin top except Chet tosses half my muffin into the landfill instead. Thank you, Chet!

We all selected our muffin tops and sat down for a family discussion on the ethics of muffin marketing. Our oldest, Aidan, offered,

"It's like All Stuf Oreos."

"What's that?" I inquired.

All Stuf Oreos are for busy, important people who are constantly on the go. You know, discriminating, power users who reject the cookie all together and go straight for the "creme."

"Is there All Double Stuf?" I asked.

"Not yet," Aidan answered, "But that's a good idea."

"I read some people eat frosting straight from the can," my wife, Christine offered.

"It's just wrong that in the wealthiest country some people can't afford cake," I declared.

"They can afford cake. They just prefer the frosting," Christine explained.

I was puzzled.

Christine has a friend who has the annoying habit of eating just the cheese whenever we share a pizza. She strips a slice naked, scoffing up the cheese and a little bit of sauce, leaving the naked bread behind. Watching this unfold annoys me to the point where it has become questionable who is more nuts. The problem I have with all this is that you aren't eating pizza if you're eating just the cheese. You're eating cheese. The crappy cookie that sandwiches the stuff is what an Oreo is. If you forgo the wafer, you're not eating an Oreo cookie. You're eating frosting which is not cake just as the top of the muffin is not a muffin.

Marketing to narcissists may seem harmless; after all, you're giving people just what they want, but there's a downside. Today, kids freely admit that they don't want to work hard in college. That's why more and more kids are avoiding STEM classes in favor of easier courses of study. Many colleges are creating programs for students who want to avoid math. Worthless degrees have always been offered by higher educational institutions, but now that there is a greater demand for higher education there seems like there has been an explosion of bullshit majors.

When I toiled away at degrees in engineering and computer science, I was required to take courses in the humanities, but fine arts students weren't required to take calculus. Today you can major in Exercise Science which sounds like STEM, but you won't have to take any actual science courses. Library Science is a degree in which the Dewey Decimal System substitutes for linear algebra. By the time you get your diploma, there won't be any libraries anymore. It's like getting a degree in Morse Code.

Worse yet a recent online poll revealed that 87% of college students skip class with the most popular reason being to spend time with their friends. With the astronomical cost of college tuition today, it's dumbfounding that any student would opt out of attendance for any reason other than uncontrollable bleeding. Advertisements for online schools show students in their pajamas "doing it their way." The problem is signing up for a four year degree in an easy major that can't help you get a job is not getting an education.

Apathy is not just affecting college students either. The trades have their share as well. I hired a father and his son to do some work on my house. On the first day, the son didn't show up. His father explained that his boy graduated from high school and was out all night partying. I thought,

"On his first day of work in the real world, he called in sick."

When you're too blotto from the pervious night's drinking, you're not sick. You're hungover.

It's okay if the muffin top appeals to your hedonistic side, just keep in mind that anything worthwhile comes about from hard work, and you can't do it drunk or in your pajamas.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on April 27, 2017. All Stuf Oreos was an April Fool's prank pulled off by Adam Padilla.

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Eclipse Underwelms Americans

The last total solar eclipse visible in North America occurred in the summer of 2017. It had been 40 years since the celestial event was last seen in the United States and won't return again until 2024. Eleven states resided in the path of totality resulting in a boon in eclipse tourism as Americans in droves flocked to the next big thing. Unfortunately, many of them didn't read the fine print. Most once in a lifetime celestial events are nothing more than two heavenly bodies appearing close to each other in the night sky.

When I was a kid, I went outside to witness the conjunction of Mars and Venus which in technical terms means that the two planets were right next to each other in the sky. The "Mars-Venus Encounter" as it was deemed was heralded as a once in lifetime cosmic event in the newspapers even though I later learned that it happens all the time. Apart from the fact that this transpired early in the morning in the middle of winter, the two planets did look awesome in the clear, crisp, cold night sky even though in reality they were nowhere near each other. They just looked like they were in close proximity from earth. The two planets looked something like this ( : ). Back then, I learned that in the world of astronomy, two celestial bodies getting really close together in the sky creates a bit of a stir. Now, years later, the moon and the sun were going to occupy the same space overhead. This happened a few times in my childhood when misinformation spread as fact more slowly as compared to today. In those days, we were told that looking at the sun during a solar eclipse would kill us.

From our location on that Monday in August of 2017, we saw the moon cover 66.9% of the sun. That was plenty for me. Millions of people trekked to places like the western Kentucky town of Hopinsville, which boasted one of the longest total eclipse experiences. Two minutes and 41 seconds. The town bills itself as "a wealth of adventure, history and mystery" being "the home to the 2017 Total Solar Eclipse," that is, "the point of Greatest Eclipse." States like Kentucky that advertise summer swimming in ponds always conjure up the image of open wounds from freshwater, flesh-eating bacteria for me. You jump into some green, lukewarm water and cut your foot on a broken bottle of Piels, then the next thing you know, you're in the emergency room, puking up your pancreas as some nurse person, in oddly mismatched floral patterns, tells you that they have to amputate your leg below the knee before it spreads to your nuts.
 
When the eclipse was over, I felt bad for the people who travelled great distances just to see the brief astronomical event. Mitch "Del" Flint drove four hundred miles to Carbondale, Illinois, advertised as the "Eclipse Crossroads of America." Mr. Flint said,
 
"That's it? I went to my truck for a beer and when I got back, it was over. What a rip off!"
 
Kent Rolla from Palmdale, California hitchhiked to Corvallis, Oregon to view the eclipse. Mr. Rolla, who took time off his barista job said,
 
"I slept on my friend Stewie's couch for three days just to see the eclipse, and it was over in like a few minutes. I rolled a special fatty just for the occasion. By the time I found, it was over. Next time I'm gonna go to Burning Man."
 
Some encountered bad weather prior to totality while still others were disappointed for other reasons. Kevin Raulston traveled with friends to Saluki Stadium on the campus of Southern Illinois University for the "Super Bowl of Eclipses." Describing the experience, Raulston said,
 
"Quite frankly, I was expecting more. Halfway through I realized that this was just another solar eclipse. I thought we were going to the apocalypse. Boy was I disappointed!"

The eclipse wounded flooded emergency rooms across the country. Steve Faber of De Witt, Nebraska was texting his friend about the progress of the eclipse while wearing protective glasses as he drove his 2007 Chevy Equinox down Highway 80. The resulting four car pile up snarled traffic for hours. Clara DeClare of Kimmswick, Missouri was walking while wearing eclipse glasses as she observed the celestial event during her lunch break. DeClare tripped on a curb, breaking her ankle. Peter Miller of Delano, Tennessee strained his neck as he attempted to take a selfie with the eclipse.

In 1986, I was fresh out of college and found myself getting up early one morning to witness the reappearance of the most famous heavenly body, Halley's Comet. The newspapers of the day heralded the apparition as a once in a lifetime event. With a period of about 75 years, only a lucky few would see Halley's Comet twice in a lifetime. I was geared up for a fiery, streaming tail, streaking across the early morning sky. Instead, the comet looked like a green, hazy smudge low on the horizon.
 
Many things can be disappointing. When I finally got up to the top of the Statue of Liberty, I found it to be much smaller than I first thought. The "It's a Small World" ride at Disney would be far less monotonous if they gave you a few baseballs to see how many dolls you can take out. Olympic curling is the only sport that is more boring for participants than it is for spectators. Fireworks are like a B movie you already saw. Halley's Comet is a hazy blotch on the horizon on the way to breakfast. Solar eclipses are not all that rare. Most things in life don't live up to expectations, but admittedly, I'm glad I had the opportunity to experience each and everyone of them.

Just once.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on August 24, 2017. The names in this article have been changed to protect people's privacy. Most of the facts were made up too.

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

A New Organ for You and Me

God on the Brain with Adam
in Repose on the Mesentery
Scientists have discovered a new organ, the mesentery. They're not sure what it does, and there's a lot of literature concerning whether the mesentery is continuous or discreet. Either way, it's up there with the discovery that Pluto is not a planet then is a planet again.

The supplement industry is going to be working overtime making a pill to ensure a healthy mesentery. Someone will certainly come out with a mesentery cleanse by the end of the week. Electrical stimulation of the mesentery will soon follow. It will become all the rage in Hollywood. It will be important for the rest of us to learn which vitamins and minerals help with a healthy mesentery.

Da Vinci was one of the first to describe the mesentery in the 1400's. His drawing of the mesentery was a bit off, and he described it as,

"Et viscera parum stilla,"

loosely translated,

"A small blob of guts."

The more recent findings in the medical journal, The Lancet Gastroenterology and Hepatology, indicated,

"Whether the mesentery should be viewed as part of the intestinal, vascular, endocrine, cardiovascular or immunological systems is so far unclear as it has important roles in all of them."

Circulatory System
We've come a long way with our understanding of the mesentery. Heck, it's its own organ now. Surgeons will try to figure out if having your mesentery removed will be a good idea. Yearly mesentery screening will be the next reason to shell out a $30 copay.

Mesentery health will become key to an active life style. In fact, it's probably important for a happy, fulfilling life. The significance of the mesentery cannot be overlooked. You should eat more fiber to maintain a healthy mesentery unless you're on Atkins, then you should gnaw on a sausage.   

I think the discovery of a new organ inside our body will usher in a whole new understanding of the human condition. There are 79 known organs, most of which we know what they do. My guess there is at least one more yet to be discovered. Perhaps something that regulates your aura, helps with the digestion of Pez or balances the humors. Either way, maybe now that a new organ has been discovered scientist can finally agree that blood going back to the heart is not blue.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on January 10, 2017.

Tuesday, November 9, 2021

A Fatal Flaw on Campus

Located west of Boston in a former manufacturing town that stockpiled ammunition during the Revolutionary War, a hundred-fifty year old technical school draws the best and brightest students from all over the world. Classes are taught at a very fast pace during a short span of seven weeks. Undergraduate students earn either an A, B or a C, and there is no grade point average. Additionally, if a student underperforms they don't fail the course. They get an "NR" which means "No Record." Courses that students receive the latter designation don't appear on transcripts and can be retaken. There is an emphasis on projects in lieu of exams and summer internships are undertaken for credit. The school boasts of high job placement after graduation with starting salaries as much as $20k more compared to other institutions. It's not a school for jocks or artists. It's a school for my people, that is, geeks.

I first heard of Worcester Polytechnic Institute (WPI) back when I was in the engineering program at the University of Rhode Island. One professor we all hated was from WPI. I had him for a one credit lab. He was fond of four question, multiple choice tests which he gave to upper class students. His exams included the instruction to "show no work." Just pick a letter, miss two, and you failed. I met with him during office hours only once. After I asked for clarification on a topic, he questioned whether I belonged in the program. At the time I was a junior with a 3.9 grade point average. A year later I graduated magna cum laude.

One of my friends learned that WPI had a policy of never failing students and allowing them to retake a course for a better grade. In my school, a state university, if you tanked a class it was on your record forever. So here we were being harshly judged by a professor who graduated from the Worcester School of Mulligans. On top of that he had us perform and write up five experiments for one credit. He instructed his TA to grade our reports based on word choices. For some reason he disliked the term "utilize," and if you wrote that word in lieu of "use," you lost 20 points.

When we learned that he was going to add a sixth project which involved the Nusselt number, a non dimensional number in fluid mechanics related to the heat transfer in the boundary layer, someone snuck into the lab at night and overturned the experimental apparatus. The next day in class Professor Do-Over was livid. He berated all of us demanding that the perpetrators of the "Nusselt Affair," as it came to be known, come forward. I can still see the crimson bald spot on the back of his head as he paced back and forth while shouting a string of adjectives laced with obscenities to describe the vandals. That afternoon Professor Redo found his car turned 90° in his parking spot such that the front bumper was inches from the building and the back was up against a dumpster. The TA taught his class for the rest of the year.

In theory the grading policy at WPI appears to benefit the students, but in practice it allows professors to pile on the work since no one ever actually fails. If poor grades were recorded on official transcripts, students would be more apt to demand fairness from their professors. Some instructors are exceedingly inflexible. I read online a student's request for leniency was denied by her professor after she was a victim of a violent crime. Another professor told his freshman class,

"You might have heard rumors about me. That I'm very strict, that I expect you to work hard, that I don't take excuses, that I don't care if your whole family dies, you'll either do the work, or I'll fail you. I'm here to tell you all of that is true."

Students accept abuse from professors because they know in the end they won't actually fail. Some students espouse the idea to "just ignore grades" because the only mark you shoot for is "not an NR." In addition to being extraordinarily rigid, some professors at WPI teach exclusively with YouTube videos created by teachers from other institutions. Imagine spending $70,000 a years for a degree from Khan Academy.

The grading policy certainly benefits the endowment. Each time a student receives no record for a required course, they are rolled back seven weeks. No record means no credit, but it does not mean no cost. The longer a student stays at WPI the deeper in debt they become as they chase the dream of a lucrative job offer. Many students report having to take five years to complete their course of study. Most NR a couple of classes each year. The professors do their part to increase funding by routinely tanking students who believe the system is in their best interest.

The students at WPI are highly intelligent. The majority are fervently supportive of the administration. The campus is often described as "a-political," but I think "apathetic" is a more appropriate word. You'd think these highly capable, well informed young people would figure this out, but intellect does not equate to experience. One lesson they haven't yet learned is to always beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Recently while on the campus I witnessed this firsthand.

As a parent of a WPI student I received the first email from President Laurie Leshin in mid September informing me that three students had passed away. The families of two of the youths disclosed that they died of suicide. They were not freshman. I was shocked. When I talked with my son, he said that everyone knew why this had occurred. The most stress is felt by students who are deepest into the system. As they take and retake classes their progress slows as their debt grows. Not every student has supportive parents willing to continue to shell out money for their kid to toil away in school.

The worst part is that the students most susceptible to this are from lower income families. This doesn't seem to bother the administration all that much as they move forward with their plan to increase the size of the freshman class. For the past few years the number of students at WPI has increased with little expansion of services and infrastructure. Most students who paid for a meal plan can't get food on campus between 11:00 am and 1:00 pm. The pressure on the system continued to mount into the second term when in early November I received yet another email indicating that a student had died. On the day the campus was shutdown for a mental health break, a young man committed suicide.

The response from students was meek at best with many backing the administration's fervent assertion that this was all the result of the pandemic. Students were perishing and the administration was concerned about liability. A few organized a protest which was promptly brought under the auspices of the administration wishing to partner with student leaders to come up with a solution. Leshin met with students. She welled up. She vowed support. They hugged.

On the day of the protest, I drove to Worcester bent on listening to students to learn if what my son was telling me was true. He wasn’t able to attend since his instructor decided to hold class during the protest. A group of about a thousand students gathered on the quad. One of the leaders instructed us to form up in a line as we would be marching in silence past the administration building. I surmised Leshin negotiated that we march quietly to ensure that their message didn't get out especially around prospective students touring the campus. The organizers initially wanted students to wear clothing with the WPI logo crossed out. That devolved into all black attire. When we marched past the administrative building an employee held up a small, handwritten sign that read,

"We love you."

We settled in a large room set up with tables and chairs. As the space filled, a woman took to the microphone and instructed the students with an open seat to raise their hand. Then she requested anyone who could stand should do so such that others could sit. Everyone but me vacated their seats. Since that didn't work, she tried to get more tables set up by having the students push all the furniture forward. When the students dutifully complied, she barked at them to all stop and then warned everyone to be more careful.

This was supposed to be a protest. The last time I was spoken to so condescendingly I was in 5th grade. One of the student leaders opened up with a brief story of his struggles with mental illness. Next was President Leshin who blathered on a good fifteen minutes, stroking the students into submission. She referred to how hard "the past 20 months had been" in support of the idea that these tragic events were the result of the pandemic, and not the lousy tenured teachers playing TEDx videos in the classroom. She concluded with the familiar theme which even she described as corny,

"I love each and everyone of you."

Next an invited faculty member took the mic and chronicled her lifelong struggles with mental health. When she was six years old she was diagnosed with a mental illness. Relying on her memoirs, she chronicled her many diagnoses and subsequent medications. She went on through to expulsions in high school, troubles in college, marriage, births, grad school, all laced with copious therapy, drugs and outrage. When she finally came in for a landing, twenty minutes had expired.

Next on the agenda was the student input forms which were on each table. The woman who orchestrated the seating debacle returned to the mic and began spewing instructions such as

"Someone take notes, but take turns so everyone gets a chance."

and

"Don't let one person dominate the conversation. We want to hear from all of you."

And my favorite,

"We are going to spend no more than seven minutes on each question."

Okay. With five students at my table that leaves 1 minute and 24 seconds for each of them to express their views. As we put our heads together to tackle the problem of students killing themselves, we were instructed to move to the next question. A sophomore at my table recalled the loneliness he experienced at WPI when he was cut off by the moderator. This happened twice more after which I asked,

"Are they always this way here?"

"What?" a junior asked.

"Telling you what to do and when to do it."

A young man from California majoring in chemical engineering said,

"That's the way things are done around here."

I was dumbfounded. This was supposed to be a student organized protest against insufferable policies that led to tragedy, and these kids were being told what to do by an administrator. After rifling through all the questions, they offered the opportunity for a representative from each table to come up and summarize our findings. No one from my table volunteered. As I listened to a series of brilliant students weigh in thoughtfully, I was hesitant to offer my perspective. I asked a student seated next to me if he thought it would be appropriate for me to address the crowd to which he reasoned,

“You are the only parent here.”

I queued up behind a young woman. She fist bumped me before taking the mic. I smiled behind my mask. When she finished I said,

"I'm a parent. I'm the one who pays the bills around here. My son couldn't attend because he’s in class. I tried to get him to come over afterwards, but he said that he has only 15 minutes for dinner, then he has to study the rest of the night."

The students clicked their fingers. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I surmised it was a sign that they understood my message. I expressed my concern that I didn't think COVID was the culprit but instead an aggravating factor.

"Something is amiss here,”

I surmised before concluding with my belief that you can not consult your way out of this. Hiring another expert to meet with stressed out students won't alleviate the burden they are under. Many of the students expressed that too many professors treat students unfairly, don’t actually teach, assign an excessive amount of work and lack compassion. Maybe the administration ought to address these concerns first.

People with real mental illness want to be anonymous. They seek a normal life, not one in the spotlight. I suspect that students at WPI are under so much pressure that they don't have time nor the desire to seek help especially when doing so will only exasperate the stress of their workload. Throughout this ordeal the only moratorium on academic requirements was a single day of campus wide fun activities and a three day extension of the break in between terms. They ended up extending the second term by four days to make up the time. In the end it doesn't matter since I don't think a day of corn hole on the quad was going to do anything to stem student suicide.

Until the administration acknowledges the role they played in the deaths of those four students, nothing will change. My recommendation to the students of WPI is to occupy the administration building and effectively shutdown the school. It will require mass participation and solidarity as well as a leader willing to put their future on the line to save the life of another student.

What is needed now is not taught in any school. Someone must search their soul for the courage to come forward and unite them before this happens yet again.

Editor’s Note: Sadly, four more WPI students died after this was posted.

Tuesday, November 2, 2021

More Pictures I Took

A few months ago, I posted ten pictures I took with my phone. My attempt at an art exhibit was rejected by a local gallery for being socially irrelevant. The photos, often modified in Photoshop, are just not artistically worthy of public display. The piece in my blog proved very popular, garnishing enough hits to rank in the top posts for the month. Turns out pictures are worth a thousand words.

So here is my second art show that never was.

"Knitted Hat" is William at seven months. The hat was a gift he received for his brief stay in the neonatal unit.

"Me and 3025" was taken the first time I drove a steam engine. The opportunity was a gift from my wife, Christine, for completing my first feature length script which was about the demise of steam engines.

"Night Light" finds William in a doorway of a historic home in Providence, Rhode Island in the evening.

"Centered" has William standing in the middle of our rural road while waiting for the bus.

"Seaman Languedoc" stands at parade rest before playing Taps in front of the World War I Memorial in Providence, Rhode Island on November of 2017.

"Work Desk" finds William engrossed in a display of the lunar landings at a museum when he was one years old.

"Trumpet Section" has Aidan, second from the left, playing in the state regional band. The picture has a 1950's look to it even though I took it last year.

"Lone Piggy" is the first picture taken by Willy when he was a year old which he managed to text to Christine. To date, we don't know how he figured out how to text images before he could speak.

"Banister Boy" is William in jail. Years later, while running in socks, William broke two banisters in that railing.

William and Aidan "Taking a Break" in 2012, oblivious to the massive rock behind them.

Editor's Note: Orginally published on October 23, 2018.

Blog of Done

Ten years ago my wife, Christine and our two boys, Aidan and William, and I were on vacation in a warm place with our friends from Californi...