The Most Interesting Cat in the World

Aidan with a Broken Arm

Back in 2009, when my son, Aidan, was five years old, he broke his arm on the monkey bars at school. I got the call, and was on site in no time. A quick trip to the emergency room confirmed the break with an X-ray. I was baptized as a parent when Aidan received a cast past his elbow. It was one of those nightmare days made easier by how calm Aidan was through the whole ordeal.

When I finally got home, I sent an email to my family and circle of friends. It read,

"Aidan is fine, but he broke his arm today."

It included a picture of Aidan smiling in his cast as well as the X-ray showing a clean break. He was very lucky that the bones stayed in line. It could have been worse if a bone had punctured the skin. So if there was any good to fall back on, no surgery was necessary.

Everyone responded with relief, that is, everyone except my pet friends. They were a couple who

Actual X-Ray

have eleven cats and unfortunately for them, one died the same day Aidan broke his arm. They elected not to respond to my email or show any concern for my son. Instead they sent this to a distribution list,

"We have some very sad news. One of our beloved cats, Felix, suffered sudden heart failure this afternoon just shy of his 8th birthday. He developed blood clots and unfortunately there was very little his veterinarian could do. Both of us are devastated by the loss of Felix. For those of you who knew him, you know how loving and amazingly talented he was and if ever there was a cat who tried to be human, it was Felix."

"Felix meant a lot to both us, and we sorrowfully mourn his loss."

Okay, I get it. Some people really like their pets. I could understand how they overlooked Aidan's injury in the clutches of the demise of their cat. Surely, they just didn't read my email. They closed with,

"Some of you don't know how lucky you are. Bones heal, but death is forever."

Felix the Cat

Now, that was seven years ago and the statute of limitations on stupid pet comments has finally expired. As Aidan got older, and asked why we no longer see this couple, I let him read their email. Instead of being upset, he laughed heartily to which, I, of course, joined in because I'm a crummy parent. I know people have an unrealistic perception of their pets coupled with a belief that they are part of the family, even human. It is so prevalent we have a word for it, "anthropomorphize."

A hundred years ago, advertisements showed dogs through a window in their doghouse in the backyard. People saw animals as beasts of burden, a horse pulling a cart, a cow being milked, an ox pulling a plow. Pet memorials in the papers referred to a dog that died as "man's best friend." Then in the 1930's ads showed pets curled up by the fire and memorials indicated "a loyal friend." After World War II, advertisements showed dogs sleeping on a bed and references that indicated "a member of the family." What is it about our culture that has elevated the status of animals to that of our children?

As the years passed, Aidan and I created an obituary for Felix the Cat which we recited for amusement on long car rides when only he and I were awake. It got increasingly farcical. Before we forget the life of a cat who so wanted to be a human, we decided to post our thoughts here. I welcome anyone to share their fond memories of Felix in the comments.

Felix The Cat

2001 ~ 2009

Felix was a most gifted cat. He was the youngest feline in history to circumnavigate the globe in an open rowboat. Felix served a six month tour on the International Space Station as "Special Payload." In 2004, he lost his bid for the presidency after winning a nomination from the Black Panther Party, where he ran on a platform of feline suffrage. Felix was an accomplished concert pianist. He dealt with his share of discrimination for his lack of an opposable thumb, but he didn't let that stop him. He was struck down with sudden heart failure just short of his PhD dissertation defense entitled, Feline Discrimination in Postmodern America. Felix was taken from us all too soon. He could always be counted on to find the cleanest spot on the floor whenever he had a hair ball. He will be missed by his family, friends and the world community. Felix was well known as The Most Interesting Cat in the World.

Stay frisky my friends.

Many childless pet owners have told me how I will never understand. Unlike our former friends, I've had pets, and I have children. I prefer the latter. When Dinkles the Dog plays a trumpet solo in the school jazz band, and you're beaming with pride in the audience, then maybe we can talk about family membership, but until then, I favor my own species. There's a lot of advantages of children over pets. You can talk with them, they often express their love, they rarely bite anybody, they are more than likely genetically related to you, they don't get fleas or worms, they don't chew holes in things, eventually they learn how to wipe their own butts, and they shed far less.

Bones do heal, and death is forever, but you can get a cat for under ten bucks at Petco.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on December 1, 2016.