Space Farce

Space Force Insignia

Say what you want about the President, he does have some good ideas like removing massive regressive regulations that were strangling small businesses. He also renegotiated awful foreign trade deals made by stupid elected officials, who were selected for the task because they played golf with the president. Although many people openly oppose his immigration policy even my most liberal friends don't want open borders, and none of them want to pay for the healthcare of people who crawled under a fence or overstayed a visa. One idea that came from the White House recently which I don't agree with is the establishment of a sixth branch of the military, the US Space Force, the mission of which is to protect our interests in space.


Space Force Uniform

I think all this hype about unleashing our military might in orbit is just capitalizing on the release of Halo on Steam. Do we really need a bunch of people that are tasked with killing people in space? After the US Space Force tweeted a photo of their uniform many asked why the force combatants are clothed in green and brown camouflage? Officials with the Space Force promptly tweeted that service members were ground based and wore the same uniform as everyone else to save taxpayer dollars. I'm sure a gold sparkly space suit complete with silver helmet would cost way more than standard issue fatigues. Let’s face it. The Space Force is going to be the geek military. They want "space operators" to blend in with the rest of the military because most of them spent high school with their underwear rocket rammed up their rectum. Blending into the crowd is not a covert operating mode for the Space Force. It's the way unsocial nerds navigated high school.

 

Storm Trooper

I would prefer the Space Force to take on the Imperial Storm Trooper's uniform. I know they were the bad guys, but in those threads they at least look tough enough to defend space. If we are going to form a military to protect our oil reserves by killing things in space, they ought to at least look the part. With the Space Academy on the moon and a Spartan II program designed to produce genetically modified palookas, we'll be safe here on earth. We'll need to juice the Space Force because most of the members will be recruited from Best Buy's Geek Squad.



Pioneer 11 Plaque

I think Bill Nye should be tasked as the first Sky Marshal to lead the Space Force. He'll understand how to direct his people against the aliens that are going to follow the map on the plaque that Carl Sagan insisted scientists install on Pioneer 11 showing how to get back to earth. Aliens will be expecting a smiling, waving naked dude and his naked girlfriend as well as a few hydrogen atoms here on earth, but instead they'll be dealing with the US Space Force when they get here. Hopefully some members of the Space Force will be trained to kill goats with their minds.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in a strong military. I just think the Space Force is a stupid idea. I suspect no one ever tells Trump when he’s wrong like the way everyone always agreed with George Lucas which is how we ended up with Jar Jar Binks in Episode I – The Phantom Menace. The Space Force will certainly be the ultimate sequel to Star Wars. Just think of the endless possibilities for Legos!