What to Watch: The Doomsday Clock?

The Doomsday Clock

Last Thursday, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists revealed the latest change to the Doomsday Clock, the metaphor for threats to humankind from unchecked scientific and technical achievements. During the reveal, Dr. Rachel Bronson, president and CEO of the organization, referred to the clock's position as "a new abnormal." The clock is a quick way for laypersons to determine if we are safer or at a greater risk of a man made Armageddon.

The clock first came into existence in 1947 after World War II when the hands were set to seven minutes to midnight. In 1953, the clock was set to two minutes in response to the Cold War. As seen in the big reveal, the clock is yet again set to two minutes because of the threat of nuclear war and climate change. Oddly, the hands were positioned to the less ominous time of seven minutes during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962, when the Soviets parked a shitload of nuclear warheads 300 miles off the Florida coast. In September of 2001, when terrorist took down the Twin Towers, killing 3000 people, the clock remained unchanged at seven minutes. Do scientists really think that things today are as bad as in the past?

I'm old enough to recall the "duck and cover" drills in grade school when scientists advised us to crawl under our desks and hide our eyes from an atomic blast. In those days, the evening news was filled with unedited combat footage of our troops during the Vietnam War. Later, interest rates on mortgages were double digits and 52 Americans were held hostage in Iran for over 400 days, all while the Doomsday Clock hung above seven minutes. Things sucked back then as compared to today, but now, the brain trust of society feels that things are about to implode.

The Doomsday Clock is like the Weasley Clock from the Harry Potter series which monitored the state of each member of the Weasley family with settings for "home," "school," "work," "lost," "prison," and "mortal peril." By always setting the clock to "pending doom," the eggheads who comb through the vast input in search of perils and portend, have really no place to go. Crying wolf is never an immediate concern. The only thing that could possibly make the Doomsday Clock less relevant is if the board of science nerds vote to change it to a watch. Sure, these geeks are solemn about the Doomsday Clock because for most of the ‘70’s they were unrelentingly bullied by jocks. A lot of these Nobel Laureates experienced atomic wedgies in high school gym class, which probably felt like one long doomsyear for them. It's no wonder that they're a bunch of downers.

Maybe the scientists might consider modernizing their catastrophic foreshadowing symbol by changing it from an analog to a digital clock. After all, whole generations don’t know how to tell time by reading the hands on an analog clock which puts them at a serious disadvantage when preparing for worldwide decimation. Also, the analogy of the big hand pointing before twelve is confusing. How do we know the Doomsday Clock is actually not reading just before noon? Everyone knows that the first thing that happens during an apocalypse is that they cancel lunch.

I think a better representation of doomsday is the National Debt Clock which is currently well over $21 trillion dollars. I became aware of the staggering national debt back in the early '80's by the award winning journalist, John Stossel, on the investigative news show, 20/20. Stossel did a piece indicating that half of our tax dollars went out to entitlements like Medicare, Medicaid, government pensions, welfare etc., with 10% going to interest on the debt. He reported that the funds left over to run the government were steadily shrinking each year. Today, entitlements eat up about 70% of the federal budget. The recent government shutdown which put 800,000 federal workers on furlough forebodes the inevitable financial meltdown which will occur far sooner than rising sea levels.

The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists puts out a lengthy statement describing how unchecked technology led to the current setting of the Doomsday Clock. Ironically, the written declaration from these dorks is devoid of any actual peer reviewed, research data. In a few decades, a fiscal cataclysm will be upon us based on the government's long history of unbounded entitlements and unchecked spending.

You don't need to be a Nobel Laureate to see that day coming.

Do Elephants Like You?

The conversation over breakfast this morning was quite enlightening. Our youngest, William, announced,

“Elephants think we’re cute."

Admittedly, this was a continuation of a talk we were all having the night before. I was carrying on with my normal rant about why I think excessive adoration of pets, especially on social media, is a sign of mental illness while Willy was defending everyone else. What I don't understand about social media is the endless stream of pictures of people's cats and dogs, sometimes dressed up in clothes. I think that's a sign that someone needs to up their medication. Now, Willy is buoying the widespread myth that elephants actually think we’re cute like the way people regard puppies.

My older son, Aidan, pointed out that in December 2017, college student, Julia Hass, tweeted,

Her sentiments went viral because of the widespread affection people have for their pets. Hass was bombarded with comments and texts to the point that she deleted her twitter app in attempts to stem the viral response. Unfortunately, removing the app from your phone really won't do anything. Hass does volunteer work as the social media coordinator for the American Gerbil Society and describes herself as a "gerbil mom" so she's exactly the kind of person I wouldn't listen to in regards to natural science. She did clarify in a later post that she isn’t a scientist and based her findings on a Google search which yielded this,

I'm all in now that queen-poetico confirms that elephants think we’re cunning. Several commenters to Hass's original tweet expressed the desire to be an elephant's pet.


I don't think they thought this through. First off, you can't be an anti vaxxer as an elephant pet because the first thing they're going to do is get you "all your shots." That pales in comparison to your next visit to the pet doctor in which you'll be spayed or neutered, terms that hide the fact that they're forcing you to undergo a hysterectomy or gonadectomy. The reason why we castrate male pets is not just to prevent stray animals. It's because pet owners have to draw the line somewhere on cleaning up after Dinkles. It's bad enough that dogs hump your leg, eat grass that they subsequently puke on the carpet, shit all over the yard and sometimes in your shoe, and destroy furniture without you having to occasionally clean up after their spunk too.

I'm not an ivy league educated, health practitioner so it's doubtful that I can provide sound medical advice on the veracity of the claim that elephants think we're cute. Lucky for me, my good friend, Roger, is in fact, a Yale educated emergency room physician who you want on the trauma team after you decide to check up on your celebs you're following on social media while cruising down the interstate at the speed needed to get a DeLorean to time travel. I consulted Roger for answers to the following questions.

Would a PET scan be used to detect the part of the brain that is activated by external stimuli?

A Positron Emission Tomography (PET) scan is a type of imaging that shows what’s going on in your body. PET scans may be used to find out what part of the brain is activated upon stimuli.

Is there a PET scan big enough to fit an elephant?

Some zoos have equipment large enough to accommodate sizeable animals.

When detecting brain activity, does sedation affect the results?

To get accurate results of brain scans, patient undergoing a PET scan typically aren't sedated. If you did so, most likely everything would make your brain react the same as if you saw a puppy. That's why so many people want marijuana legalized. So even if you had a PET scan machine big enough to accommodate an elephant, it would have to undergo the test straight up. That will mostly lead to someone being messed up by a large, pissed off animal. (This elephant has had it's fill of cute humans.)

Nature can be cruel. In the wild animals are programmed to overproduce if conditions are right. This provides a food source for bigger predators who exploit opportunities by seeking out the sick, the old, the young or the injured. I had a horse years ago who I thought I bonded with over long trail rides. Whenever I turned my back on him, he would try to bite my ass. That was his thing. He tried to bite everyone's ass including other horses. I swear horses use farts to get back at each other. Mine would always let go whenever I brushed his hind quarters. So one day I had some beans then went out to the barn and farted in my horse's face. He never tried to bite my ass again.

Children, like puppies, appeal to us on a fundamental level because without that response we wouldn't take care of them. Look how much work kids are before they become a pain in the ass as teenagers. Lucky for humankind things don't happen the other way around. Our response to cuddly creatures is just natures way to ensure that they'll get fed, guaranteeing the survival of the species. Apparently, Mother Nature is blissfully unaware that we also force sterilize our pets. I know you think your dog is a loyal companion, but animals like whoever feeds them, gives them what they want. My friend's dog hated me until every time I saw him I gave him a dog treat. After a week, he was my best friend.

Do elephant's think we're cute? Maybe, as long as they remain unaware of whose idea it was to surgically remove their reproductive organs. If elephants do figure that out, you better have a bag of peanuts on hand.

Gym Resolution

I hate this time of year. Not because of the cold or any after holiday depression. Not because leaves keep filling up the nooks around my house or because movies suck in the winter. I hate this time of year because my local gym is filled with people who are certain that this year they'll finally fulfill their New Years resolution to regularly exercise. Now, attending a gym is a good thing. God knows Americans are overweight. There's nothing more important than staying fit especially as one gets on in years.

I've been a gym rat for most of my life. I would like to tell you that I started out with a 110 pound, concrete filled vinyl weight set in my basement when I was 12 because I came from a fit family, but that wasn't the case. My story was one of those times when strife brought about strength. I don't mind sharing my gym with people wishing to live a healthful lifestyle. It's never too late to turn over a new leaf even if they collect in the corners where no one goes.

The other day a woman and her personal trainer was wandering about the gym, searching for a five pound plate. I was between sets on the incline bench.

"Here is one!" she exclaimed as she slid the plate off my bar.

"'I'm using that," I said.

"No you're not. You're just sitting there," she reasoned.

In between sets, I usually take very little time, less than ten seconds. I like to move things along. I learned this from watching Arnold Schwarzenegger in Pumping Iron back in the '70's. Arnold talked about achieving the "pump" which is when your muscles fill with blood as you work out. Sitting around for too long between sets is a common amateur workout mistake. In the brief moment that I was resting, a woman started swiping the plates I was using.

"Don't take any weights already on a bar," her trainer instructed.

A contemporary rule in the gym is to ask to take an unused plate off a piece of equipment that someone is on. In my day, plates on holding pegs were fair game. One time, a dude ripped me a new orifice for doing that. It's kind of like having to ask the person behind you on an airplane if you can recline your seat. Now, I had a noob taking plates from my bar between sets. At least the instructor interceded with sound gym ettiquette.

Many people sit on exercise equipment and flick through their phones. It's particularly annoying when that machine or bench is the only one in the gym. Yesterday, I watched a dude cluelessly wander the gym with his bulky headphones, only to come to rest on the only incline bench available. He sat their reading for what seemed like ten minutes, then he just got up and left. He could have done that in the bathroom where he might have actually accomplished something.

Hip Abductor

A lot of gym noobs make up there own exercises. I'm not sure what this guy is doing. Once I saw a woman on a hip abductor machine. She was standing facing the seat, that is, backwards with her knees on the pads. As she tried to closes her legs, a passing instructor stopped to show her how to do the exercise properly. The patron went on at length explaining how standing in reverse was actually "way better." This guy is dumbbell pressing on a leg press machine. That's either some next level full body workout shit or a total knucklehead move.

Many gym newbies who survive the longest in the gym during the year usually gravitate to big muscle exercises because they can use a lot of weight. When the focus becomes how much you lift over good form, injury usually puts an end to weightlifting. Deadlifting is a particular exercise that causes controversy in the gym, mainly from people dropping the weight or screaming while exerting. Dropping the weight on the last rep (#2) is a tactic used to call attention to one's self. There's plenty of YouTube videos of people puking while deadlifting. When you start honking up yesterday's protein drink, you're using too much weight. This guy hemorrhages from his nose. Granted these dudes are experienced gym patrons who are going for a "heavy." There's a lot of videos on YouTube of people squatting too much weight. Then there is my favorite, the butt off the seat bench press.

Another bonehead gym behavior is to "introduce" a heavier weight to push the envelop. Most workout partners of mine advocated this cartilage crushing, ligament loosening practice of slapping on a weight you want to lift, but really can't handle just yet. The goal is one or two reps with a lot of help from a spotter. Most end up like this guy, who breaks his leg.

I'm sure I piss off many people at the gym too. For example, I never wipe down the equipment I use even though there are signs advising to do so to minimize the spread of germs. The reason I pass on this activity in favor of using gloves which I routinely wash is that wiping with a paper towel, doused with disinfectant, really does next to nothing. Well, that's not true. It eats up more trees. The way I figure it in just one more week, half the patrons of my gym will likely give up.

I'll miss the entertainment certainly more than the company.

Get Ready for the Super Blood Wolf Lunar Eclipse

Three Wolves and Moon

Sunday, January 20, 2019. Remember the date because that's when a once in a lifetime, celestial event will occur. The super, blood, wolf lunar eclipse, viewable from North and South America, will start at precisely 9:36 pm in the Eastern Time Zone and last a little over five hours. Like most once in a lifetime, celestial events, you'll miss it if you forget while drinking beer instead. What makes this eclipse so special is that the moon is very near its closest approach to earth. That's the "super" part. Astrophysicists explain that even though the moon is near perigee, it won't look any larger which always puzzles me since for most of my life, things closer look bigger. They say that the moon will be brighter, but not necessarily larger. I don't get it, but that's okay.

In colonial days, a full moon in January was called a "wolf" moon. They also called a drunk dude who urinated under the table into his buddy's shoes, "The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas." That must have been a common occurrence to have such an oddly, descriptive moniker. The "blood" refers to the red hue the moon takes on near peak. Lunar eclipses are fairly common. There was three when my wife, Christine, was pregnant with our first son, Aidan, and two when she carried our second, William.
 
This eclipse is different, though, being super, blood, wolf and total for some. An eclipse like this rates my three wolf and moon t-shirt which I wear only on special occasions like anniversaries, weddings and once in lifetime celestial events. Amazon sells the three wolf and moon t-shirt which has well over 3,000 reviews, the vast majority of which are five star. People make many dubious claims such as the shirt endows the wearer with special powers like making them irresistibly attractive to women. One guy claimed that after he and his wife struggled to conceive, they bought the three wolves and moon t-shirt. Now, they have a full house. He never disclosed which one of them wore the shirt during their efforts. The only negative review I read was a guy who got a defective shirt which had three moons and one wolf. Disappointing.
 
There has been a lot of interest in space in the news lately as NASA and Elon Musk have been working overtime, whipping up interest in a manned mission to Mars. Musk even called his latest rocket, "The Mars Colonial Transporter." He wants to ship a hundred people to the red planet in stainless steel, space capsules. Vermont doesn't even get that many tourists. Normally, steel is too heavy as a rocket fabrication material, but according to a recent tweet by Musk, Space X engineers treat the metal "cryogenically," which does something. I don't know what it could possibly do because it certainly can't make it less heavy.

Saturn

Musk stated that he wants to die on Mars which if he gets his way, is very likely. The temperature on Mars at noon at the equator can climb to 68°F, but at night plunges to -243°F. If you touched your tongue to a pole that was -243°F, not only would it stick, but your head would freeze solid as well. Mars has next to no atmosphere so man-made activities that increase greenhouse gases like driving cars, burning coal and pig farming would actually help. Mars is a great place for people who are tired of hearing about Global Warming. The gravity on Mars is a third that here on Earth so the best I can tell, anyone that goes there will be a superhero.

Starman

My biggest astronomical concern, apart from missing the super, blood, wolf, lunar eclipse this month, is the depletion of Saturn's rings. Recently, NASA scientists reported that the inner ring is raining down on the planet and will be gone in 100 million years. I think Congress ought to act now before Saturn's rings are gone forever. We need a long term, government study which investigates the impact of that car Musk shot into space on Saturn's rings. I, for one, don't like a Tesla floating through space, spewing all that earthly bacteria into the cosmos. Neither does the Office of Planetary Protection, a division of NASA which ensures we don't pollute other planets.

My main concern is that if and when aliens come in contact with Musk's Tesla, which he routinely drove around LA, hordes of them will be wiped out just like what happened to the American Indians when the white man arrived with their, guns, horses, internet and smallpox. Some will survive and that's where problems arise. You see, when aliens come knocking at our earthly front door, they'll be immune to terrestrial bacteria, which means they'll be free to takeover the planet, instead of being wiped out by microbes like in The War of the Worlds.

Thanks a lot Elon Musk.