Robot Apocalypse

Some people believe that someday robots will take over the world. Smart people like the late Stephen Hawking posited artificial intelligence was the biggest threat to humankind. He claimed,

"The development of full artificial intelligence could spell the end of the human race."

Bill Gates, the cofounder of Microsoft and one of the richest men in the world, said about AI,

"I don't understand why some people are not concerned."

The maker of the self driving electric car and Falcon rocket, Elon Musk, referred to artificial intelligence as the"fundamental risk to the existence of civilization."

That's pretty serious pub talk which usually necessitates more than one pint before men depart from discussing female anatomy for the more sinister subject of a robot apocalypse. Movie franchises like Terminator also paint a bleak picture for mankind. After a month of learning at a geometric rate, Skynet became self aware at 2:40 am EST on August 29, 1997. The military brass, sensing pending doom, attempted to pull the plug after which robots became major dickheads. A similar thing happened at Facebook recently when a group of software engineers tried to create an AI software system which started to communicate in a completely new language, undecipherable by humans. In a panic, they cut the power before the system became self aware and started posting favorable reviews of Ben Shapiro.

The Matrix is yet another film in which a computer takes over the world, albeit an alien backed hardware system that smokes anything Microsoft or Google ginned up. Humans are enslaved as batteries to supply power to the vast matrix even though solar would have been way cheaper and would have involved far less fluids. Agents, software constructs that prowl the matrix, exploit humans at will to keep everything running smoothly. The last installment of the trilogy doesn't offer good news for the human race who don't eventually prevail over the alien super computer. Instead, we agree not to mess with them as long as they don't mess with us which is pretty much the US foreign policy with Russia.

Then there was Transformers which had robots disguised as vehicles waging war on earth. The good guys, the Autobots, wanted to use the AllSpark to rebuild Cybertron, their home planet, while the Decepticons dreamt of an army of machines here on earth. Luckily the Autobots found mankind worth saving, but the Decepticons, who evidently learned about humans from social media, prefer to wipe us off the planet.

I'm inclined to fear technology since for me it's becoming mostly an unknown. There are so many things being developed today on the technology front, it's no wonder old farts like me, Bill Gates and Elon Musk pants shit when someone mentions something new. Take for instance the demise of my TV set recently. A friend of mine who has got ten years on me is convinced that what caused my Samsung flat screen to shit the futon was,

"All that technology you plugged into it."

He was referring to an Xbox, a Wii and a DVD. He also exclaimed adamantly that YouTube was the likely culprit that took down my TV. I tried to explain to him that smart TVs run all sorts of apps, but he was having no part of it.

"All those gizmos are going to cause a fire," he asserted.

Old people always think technology spontaneously combusts. I recall my mother being afraid of the microwave oven, certain that one day it would explode in her kitchen and burn her house down. Instead she used a toaster oven which she left on one time and damn near melted the linoleum. I think all this fear of technology is due to the aging nature of society's brain trust. If you want to see real robots in action, all you have to do is check out the DARPA Robotics Challenge.

The robots are tasked to perform mundane things like walking up stairs or exiting a vehicle. Most entrants move through the course at the pace of a line at the DMV while onboard processors crunch algorithms to calculate the next move. Many robots fall over for seemingly no reason at all. One comes crashing down while trying to turn a doorknob. Another, attempting to traverse a doorway, falls on its mechanical ass. Seems like most robots are a greater threat to themselves rather than to us.

Even Facebook engineers explained that their AI bot was shutdown not in response to a perceived threat, but because it was replaced by a more advanced construct, that is, they canned the original because it was too lame. In Terminator, Skynet made some obvious miscalculations. When holding up in a cheap motel, Arnold Schwarzenegger is blowing it up in his room when the manager comes by and asks,

"Hey buddy. You got a dead cat in there or what?"

The advanced processor in the terminator's head arrives at these six possible responses,

Possible Responses to the Dead Cat Question

and picks the correct answer, that is,

"Fuck you, asshole."

Considering that #4 made the list tells me that robots have trouble understanding simple human interactions. This is why they will never be a real threat to the human race. After all, robots are stumped by this,



Robots can't find all the bridges, and we worry that they're gonna take over the world? It's doubtful that robots are going to get any smarter because fewer and fewer kids are going into STEM these days. I think human intelligence probably peaked two decades ago with the invention of the Flowbee, the home haircutting system. Even though more people are going to college than ever, most are working towards worthless degrees like Hospitality Management which, as far as I can tell, is a degree in being nice. It's unlikely today that a college graduate is going to create a revolutionary microprocessor that will eventually lead to the extinction of the human race.

I'll tell you, Bill Gates, why people are unconcerned with artificial intelligence. Because robots are stupid.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on June 26, 2018.

Get Ready for the Super Blood Wolf Lunar Eclipse

Three Wolves and Moon

Sunday, January 20, 2019. Remember the date because that's when a once in a lifetime, celestial event will occur. The super, blood, wolf lunar eclipse, viewable from North and South America, will start at precisely 9:36 pm in the Eastern Time Zone and last a little over five hours. Like most once in a lifetime, celestial events, you'll miss it if you forget while drinking beer instead. What makes this eclipse so special is that the moon is very near its closest approach to earth. That's the "super" part. Astrophysicists explain that even though the moon is near perigee, it won't look any larger which always puzzles me since for most of my life, things closer look bigger. They say that the moon will be brighter, but not necessarily larger. I don't get it, but that's okay.

In colonial days, a full moon in January was called a "wolf" moon. They also called a drunk dude who urinated under the table into his buddy's shoes, "The Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas." That must have been a common occurrence to have such an oddly, descriptive moniker. The "blood" refers to the red hue the moon takes on near peak. Lunar eclipses are fairly common. There was three when my wife, Christine, was pregnant with our first son, Aidan, and two when she carried our second, William.
 
This eclipse is different, though, being super, blood, wolf and total for some. An eclipse like this rates my three wolf and moon t-shirt which I wear only on special occasions like anniversaries, weddings and once in lifetime celestial events. Amazon sells the three wolf and moon t-shirt which has well over 3,000 reviews, the vast majority of which are five star. People make many dubious claims such as the shirt endows the wearer with special powers like making them irresistibly attractive to women. One guy claimed that after he and his wife struggled to conceive, they bought the three wolves and moon t-shirt. Now, they have a full house. He never disclosed which one of them wore the shirt during their efforts. The only negative review I read was a guy who got a defective shirt which had three moons and one wolf. Disappointing.
 
There has been a lot of interest in space in the news lately as NASA and Elon Musk have been working overtime, whipping up interest in a manned mission to Mars. Musk even called his latest rocket, "The Mars Colonial Transporter." He wants to ship a hundred people to the red planet in stainless steel, space capsules. Vermont doesn't even get that many tourists. Normally, steel is too heavy as a rocket fabrication material, but according to a recent tweet by Musk, Space X engineers treat the metal "cryogenically," which does something. I don't know what it could possibly do because it certainly can't make it less heavy.

Saturn

Musk stated that he wants to die on Mars which if he gets his way, is very likely. The temperature on Mars at noon at the equator can climb to 68°F, but at night plunges to -243°F. If you touched your tongue to a pole that was -243°F, not only would it stick, but your head would freeze solid as well. Mars has next to no atmosphere so man-made activities that increase greenhouse gases like driving cars, burning coal and pig farming would actually help. Mars is a great place for people who are tired of hearing about Global Warming. The gravity on Mars is a third that here on Earth so the best I can tell, anyone that goes there will be a superhero.

Starman

My biggest astronomical concern, apart from missing the super, blood, wolf, lunar eclipse this month, is the depletion of Saturn's rings. Recently, NASA scientists reported that the inner ring is raining down on the planet and will be gone in 100 million years. I think Congress ought to act now before Saturn's rings are gone forever. We need a long term, government study which investigates the impact of that car Musk shot into space on Saturn's rings. I, for one, don't like a Tesla floating through space, spewing all that earthly bacteria into the cosmos. Neither does the Office of Planetary Protection, a division of NASA which ensures we don't pollute other planets.

My main concern is that if and when aliens come in contact with Musk's Tesla, which he routinely drove around LA, hordes of them will be wiped out just like what happened to the American Indians when the white man arrived with their, guns, horses, internet and smallpox. Some will survive and that's where problems arise. You see, when aliens come knocking at our earthly front door, they'll be immune to terrestrial bacteria, which means they'll be free to takeover the planet, instead of being wiped out by microbes like in The War of the Worlds.

Thanks a lot Elon Musk.