Government Geek Squad



Putin and Obama

President Obama stated recently that the US would launch a cyber attack on Russia for their involvement in hacking emails that benefitted Trump in the recent election. His saber rattling included the warning that our cyber attack would occur "at a time and place of our own choosing."

I wonder what President Obama plans on doing to Russia with a government sanctioned cyber attack? First off, we should send Putin a penis enlargement email. Then we should call him on his cell phone three times a day from places like Munson, Ohio, and tell him that he was selected to receive a free trip to the Bahamas, or qualifies for a reduced rate mortgage. Then, he can get a phone call saying the IRS is suing him.

Obama's Deputy National Security Advisor, Ben Rhodes, said.

"I don't think things happen in the Russian government of this consequence without Vladimir Putin knowing about it."


Oliver North

Things of consequence happen all the time here, and our leaders are unaware of what is going on. In late 80's, Olivier North, a National Security staffer, was involved in a US plan to sell guns to Iran with the profits going to the Contras, a right wing militant group, in Nicaragua. Ollie was charged with lying to Congress over the subsequent investigation. President Reagan, on the other hand, testified that he hadn't a clue that weapons were being sold to Iran even though there was an arms embargo in affect. During his eight hour deposition, the President said 88 times,

Ronald Reagan

"I can't remember," or "I don't recall."

So unlike Russia, our President is often conveniently clueless. Obama suggested that the Russian hacking only benefited Trump. He said,

"They understood what everybody else understood, which was that this was not good for Hillary Clinton's campaign."

Maybe that was because the emails released by WikiLeaks, were from Clinton's campaign chairman, John Podesta, and indicated that Hillary requires 21 approvals to issue 140 characters or less on twitter. The emails also revealed that Clinton occasionally received debate questions in advance. In another email exchange, the campaign rejected 84 possible slogans including,

"America Gets Strong When You Get Ahead"

"You Deserve Other People's Money"

"Real Hair You Can Believe In"

They settled on "It's MY Turn." It's unfortunate that we need Russian cyber geeks to finally get the truth out. In a bit of middle school bravado, Obama indicated that US cyber capabilities are quite advanced. He said,

"The United States retains significant, extensive cyber capabilities that exceed the capabilities that are wielded by any other country in the world."

This shows how naïve Obama and his team are. Taunting cyber geeks is asking for trouble. If we really do have such an extensive cyber capability, can they stop the incessant cell phone spamming we all get daily? I, for one, can't wait to hear of our proportional response by our US backed cyber geek squad. Maybe a viral video on YouTube of a Putin lookalike wiping out on a slip and slide. Or perhaps Putin's head on the Dancing Baby. Or a photoshopped picture of Putin checking out Christine Aguilera's cleavage.

The possibilities are endless.