Life According to Gilligan's Island

When I was coming up, life was simpler. There were two kinds of guys, those that liked Ginger and those that liked Mary Ann. We were simpler too. Gilligan's Island originally aired at night, but by the time my sister and I discovered the comic adventures of the seven eclectic castaways the show moved to syndication, airing in the afternoons.



Even when I was eight it seemed odd that the SS Minnow originating in Hawaii would be blown off course by a sudden tropical storm and lost at sea. The tourists aboard the Minnow that day were an unlikely group. A professor and a movie star. And what about the Howells? Why would such a wealthy couple patronize a decidedly rudimentary operation run by the Skipper and his "little buddy."

I always thought the professor was a Soviet spy and was trying to rendezvous with a submarine or something. Most of the plots were far less nefarious with the seven castaways always just missing salvation. Rock stars and cosmonauts all paid Gilligan's Island a visit with none of them assisting in a rescue. My favorite episode was the one in which Gilligan fabricated a pedal powered taxi. He drove the castaways back and forth on the island for apparently no compensation. If the show went on for more than three seasons, food would've gotten scarce, and things might have taken a turn for the dark side. You know more like a Lord of the Flies kind of thing. The Howells would've been the first to go.

Ginger was always made up like she was going to a movie premier, and Mary Ann routinely churned out coconut cream pies. I bought into the coconut part due to the island theme, but where did she get the cream? I think you need a refrigerator, not to mention a cow. Ginger and Mary Ann bunked together as did the Skipper and Gilligan. The Professor flew solo which I always figured gave him the best chance to hook up with one of the women. After three seasons it was bound to happen. Just look at Survivor: Marquesas. Rob and Amber paired off after two episodes. Heck after three years Mrs. Howell would start looking good.

So life is more complicated today. Sure some men like Ginger and others Mary Ann. There are also guys who like Gilligan. Still others are born in Ginger's body and want to be Gilligan. Some Mary Anns are questioning whether they want Gilligan or Ginger while others are perfectly fine with both. There are some men who are still in the closet like the Professor. Some people are shaped like the Skipper and get to talk at TEDx about body shaming and accepting yourself as you are. No one wants to be the Howells.

Through it all one question remains. If that white transistor radio with batteries that lasted for three years could pick up a signal, how far from civilization could the castaways really have been?

Editor's Note: Originally posted on April 13, 2017.