Death of a Matriarch

Barbara Bush

After refusing medical treatment, former First Lady Barbara Bush passed away last week surrounded by her loving children and grandchildren and also that old fart in a wheelchair, her husband, George Herbert Walker Bush. At the funeral this past Sunday, Jeb, the middle child and two term Governor of Florida, referred to his parent's life together as an "amazing love story." George paid tribute to his wife by donning a pair of "book themed socks" gifted to him. The gesture acknowledged his wife's commitment to reading through the nonprofit Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy.

Barbara's husband had a long career in public service, one which he shared with Jennifer Fitzpatrick, his personal assistant who followed him to many government positions. Known as his "office wife," Jennifer worked for George when he headed the CIA much to Barbara's dismay. During meetings at the CIA, George often donned agency disguises, including a red wig and prosthetic nose for laughs. I suppose you had to be there for it to be funny, but I imagine those that had to be there thought he was nuts.

During the presidential campaign in 1988, Bush took time off to fly Fitzpatrick to Hawaii for 12 days on a government flight for what he said was "a secret meeting of former CIA directors." The CIA claims there were no such meetings nor did Bush have any duties with the CIA after he left. Bush played hide the salami on the Hawaiian islands all while Barbara was back in Kennebunkport raising their loser kids. I know, the visual is unsettling.

Fitzpatrick wasn't the first women leveraging her anatomy for a cushy, government job. When he was the Chair of the Republican National Committee in 1973 little George entertained a woman from North Dakota who divorced her husband and moved to Washington DC to be near him. During the presidential campaign he also boffed an attractive young blonde photographer who was good at flying under the radar. She turned down a position as the White House Photographer due to their romance.

George Herbert Walker Bush

More recently, George groped women in front of his wife while crumbled up in his wheelchair, repeatedly unloading the joke that his favorite magician is "David Cop-a-Feel!" Perhaps George is vying for recognition as a colorful old guy, but unfortunately he still comes off like a senile idiot.

After Hurricane Katrina almost wiped New Orleans off the map, Barbara Bush toured a Houston relocation site when she exclaimed that survivors were faring better than before the storm because many of them "were underprivileged anyway." Then she added,

"What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas."

Barbara Bush was straight out of her generation. Old people like her use terms like "you people" as in,

"You people are coming and going too much!"

They often ask upon meeting someone what their nationality is because they're affinity depends mostly on similar heritage rather than good deeds. Old women from the 1950s were not cross burning racists, but many certainly believed that crime is predominately caused by specific minority groups. They embraced diversity as long as people were just like them.

This was pointed out by California State University (CSU) English professor, Randa Jarrar, who tweeted an hour after the First Lady's death,

"Barbara Bush was a generous and smart and amazing racist who, along with her husband, raised a war criminal. F—- outta here with your nice words."

Jarrar later added,

"I'm happy the witch is dead. Can't wait for the rest of her family to fall to their demise the way 1.5 million Iraqis have."

The professor also countered critics, calling for her termination, by tweeting that she is a tenured professor making $100,000 a year who can't be fired. While I applaud the CSU president for upholding the first amendment right of a Muslim English professor to lampoon an old woman moments after her death, I do urge Jarrar to next time at least wait for room temperature.

The Bush men all piggybacked their way through life on their father's coattails, who ensured they went to good schools like Yale where they profoundly underperformed. Barbara Bush tolerated her geek husband's liaisons with younger women as long as they never crossed into her privileged space. The resentment and loneliness that she bore as a single, married woman brought her great depression which she wrote about in her memoir. She didn't seek psychiatric help or medication for her sorrow, which she later blamed on menopause and the stress of her husband's job as Director of Central Intelligence, which included a special position for Jennifer Fitzpatrick, probably mostly prone.

In 1988, during George Bush acceptance speech for the presidential nomination, he famously unloaded a reference to "a thousand points of light." Near the end of the speech, he returned to the analogy when he rambled on that he would,

"keep America moving forward, always forward—for a better America, for an endless enduring dream and a thousand points of light."

The media and the American public had a similar reaction to the obtuse analogy. We all thought,

"What the fuck is he talking about?"

On the campaign trail, Bush also uttered the equally famous phrase,

"Read my lips: no new taxes."

As president, he had to raise taxes to pay for the large deficits incurred by the colossal Regan tax cuts. During his reelection campaign, Bush participated in a presidential debate with Bill Clinton and Michael Dukakis when a young women asked a question about the staggering national debt, and if it affected any of them personally. Bush casually looked at his watch, conveying the idea that he was bored. The highlight of his one term presidency was his inability to bowl and throwing up on the Japanese Prime Minister. During the latter event, Barbara stuffed a napkin in George's mouth to prevent an international sushi spewing incident when an agent jumped over the banquet table to lend a hand. Secret Service duty for the Bushes was far less heroic than, say, diving onto the trunk of a motorcade while under fire.

The news media reported that agents were so dedicated to Barbara Bush, whose codename was "Tranquility," that they stood vigil by her coffin. Truth is protecting Barbara Bush was as cushy a government job as it gets when it comes to the Secret Service, who are trained to take a cap in the gut for the president. Watching over Barbara Bush wasn't exactly stressful duty. She often told them to wear a hat when it was cold and made sure they ate plenty of vegetables. Their big evolution when Tranquility was on the move involved taking old lady Bush to her weekly hair appointment. Something tells me the same duty for Hillary is far less cherished.

Four days before leaving office, Barbara's son signed an executive order extending Secret Service protection for his mother, funded by the few people left who actually pay taxes. In 2012, President Obama signed the Former Presidents Protection Act which provides lifetime Secret Service protection. Prior to this security was provided when needed with Richard Nixon being the only president to relinquished Secret Service protection after leaving office.

I'm not sure what love story Jeb was talking about at his mother's funeral. Maybe it was one of those thousand points of light his father always spoke of. Either way, George Herbert Walker Bush has caught his connecting flight to the thereafter so he should square up before the gear comes down.

Something tells me, though, men like him have no regrets. What do you expect from a guy who honors his wife with a pair of socks?