Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

That First Cigarette in the Morning

Back in 2017 when we all used to go to a central location to perform our jobs, I used to enjoy passing office buildings and watching the smokers freeze as they puffed away. After years of putting up with smokers in restaurants, at work, and in my family home, I was thankful that society collectively banished the suicide squad to a small part of company property where they smoked themselves into a hole in the ground that the reaper has been patiently edging them closer to for years. I miss that.

Back in the early 90's, smokers could light up just about anywhere. People smoked at work, in restaurants, on airplanes. It was terrible. Whenever my wife and I went out for dinner, we had to wash all our clothes afterwards. Even my socks stunk of cigarette smoke. When I was in eighth grade in 1978, my teacher, Brian W. McCormick, tasked us to write our own amendments to the Constitution as if we were a founding father. My first amendment was,

"No smoking in public places."

Mr. McCormick, a consummate smoker, was baffled by my proclamation. When he asked why I wrote that, I said,

"Because it stinks, and it kills people."

My oldest sister smoked Kool cigarettes. They were the cigs with the highest tar content, that is, the worst for you. That's why she smoked them, because she was cool. She used to expel smoke in my face for amusement. Later in life, my father freely admitted that allowing his daughter to smoke in the house was his worst mistake as a parent.

My thoughtful older sister gave me my very first cigarette when I was ten. Back in those days, every convenience store sold cigarettes to any kid at any age even though it was illegal. I tried to smoke the cigarette she gave me, but I couldn't bring myself to get through it. You have to be very delusional to think you look anything but stupid when smoking. Luckily, I tossed the thing instead of developing a life long habit.

"You don't understand. You're not addicted," a smoker friend of mine once told me.

I understand that chemical addiction is a powerful force, but what I can't wrap my head around is how you get there. You have to choke down quite a few cigarettes before you start feeling good from nicotine. After that, you're feeding the beast with little to no benefit. What is it about smokers that compels them to soldier on through the stink and cost, ignoring health concerns, the pictures of rotting, shriveled, black lungs wracked by the big C, to get to the dystopia of addiction?

The other day in a convenience store, the dude in front of me bought a pack of cigarettes. The clerk rang up $10.59. I almost wish I smoked so I could quit and save all that money. The guy also requested a "box" in lieu of a "soft pack." I never understood what the criteria is that causes someone to opt for the rigid box versus the more form fitting soft pack. He became very agitated with the cashier when he learned that they hadn't what he wanted. Ironic that a guy requesting "Marlboro box" was likely destined for an early box himself.

I often wonder what it's like working for the tobacco industry? It must be very depressing manufacturing a product that kills the user. In 1994, seven CEOs from the tobacco industry testified before congress in regards to the addictiveness of nicotine. All the executives openly denied that cigarettes are addictive, and that they cause lung cancer.

James W. Johnston, chairman and chief executive of R. J. Reynolds, expressed his opinion that every product from cola to Twinkies had risks associated with them. This prompted Congressman Henry A. Waxman, Democrat from California, to say,

"Yes, but the difference between cigarettes and Twinkies is death."

There are many things I simply don't understand. Becoming addicted to cigarettes is a big one. Young people, trying to look cool, are better at it then us older folks. A recent survey by a Swedish company reveals that millennials have the highest smoking rate. I'm on the downside of life, that is, there is less ahead of me than behind. Young people think they're going to live forever so they do stupid things like smoking, parkour, and anthropology. They don't comprehend consequences like lung cancer, broken necks, or six figure debt for a useless college degree.

My father started smoking and drinking coffee because to take a break from work in 1950, you had to be doing something. He would sit in the employee break room of his factory job and quietly meditate. Once his boss passed bye and asked,

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a break," my father explained.

"Well, smoke 'em if you got 'em," his boss directed.

He quit smoking in 1964, the year I was born, when the surgeon general announced the first health warning associated with cigarette smoking. Forty five years later, Congress manage to pass the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act giving the FDA the authority to regulate tobacco products. For years tobacco was not regulated as a drug even though nicotine, a potent and highly addictive narcotic, occurs abundantly in tobacco. That wasn't good enough for the tobacco industry, though, which actually increased the amount of nicotine in cigarettes. For years, the fast food industry has been accused of putting things like excessive salt in their products to make you feel hungry. The cigarette companies have been drugging smokers for decades, and the government has only recently given itself the power to regulate them. I doubt I'll see smoking eradicated like the disease it is in my lifetime, one thankfully not shortened by patronage.

It's money and the power that comes with it which keeps the cigarette industry afloat. Cigarette companies are pushers selling a legal narcotic that could never be introduced into our society today if it wasn't for the historical widespread use by unwitting users. I'm at an age whereby everyone I know who smokes is no longer getting away with it. I always encourage young people to quit smoking and universally, they respond with mild irritation at my persistent attempts to prolong their life.

When college students were asked what was the most important issue facing their generation, top on the list was "legalized marijuana." As marijuana becomes legal for recreational use in many states, I wonder what will be the health effects of smoking unfiltered pot on the next generation? Heroin use is on the rise as pot smokers graduate to the next level of illegal substance abuse. The potheads in high school used to say,

"You use only two percent of your brain so who cares how many brain cells you kill with drugs."

I think smokers use less than that, and nicotine kills the part that's already in use.

Editor’s Note: Orginally published on March 28, 2017.