Tiny Shopping Cart

The other day I needed a few things at the grocery store so I used one of those small shopping carts. They're easier to push and maneuver, turn sharper, and can be threaded through a crowd with ease. I think they're the best except for one small thing.

Nothing says "loser" louder than a tiny shopping cart.

I didn't notice it at first. The pathetic stares. The looks of sympathy. When you have a half gallon of milk, three ripe bananas, two yogurts and four apples in a tiny shopping cart, people look at you and think,

"Must be shopping for himself. Just himself."

A young woman with three kids in tow, dragging an enormous shopping cart, overflowing with bounty looked at me pushing my tiny cart then turned away quickly. As I zipped past her, she eyed me. I'm sure she was thinking,

"What're you in a hurry for? VCR tape gonna run out?"

Once while I was waiting in line with my little cart when a woman with a big shopping cart, stuffed to the brim, tapped me on my shoulder and asked, 

"Can I go ahead of you? I'm in a hurry. I have people at home waiting for me."

I moved to let her by. Another time an elderly woman muttered something to a little boy as I pushed my tiny cart. I heard her say,

"You see, Tad. If you're not a nice person, you’ll end up like that man over there. Alone."

One time I was making my way down an aisle with my tiny cart when another dude approached, pushing his diminutive cart. He lifted his fist while saying,

"Solid."

I wasn't sure what to say. All I could come up with was,

"Right on!"

Once I thought to add onto my wife's list juice boxes just so it looks like I had kids. As I loaded them into my tiny shopping cart, a woman gave me a dirty look then said abruptly, 

"Those are supposed to be for kids, you know."

"I have kids," I exclaimed.

"Sure you do," she said.

One time a cashier on the express line was talking with her colleague about taking a break when I came up with my little cart. I figured she would process my three pathetic items before her break. She looked me over then said,

"This line is closed. You have to go to the other line."

I moved to the adjacent line with the large carts. The cashier there exclaimed,

"This is not the express!"

A woman ahead of me said,

"Is that all you have?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I would let you go ahead, but you would just get home to your miserable life sooner," she reasoned.

The tiny shopping cart gained brief acceptance during the pandemic when starving people risked their lives by rushing into the grocery store to grab a few items. I miss the days during the height of the virus when it was socially acceptable to yell at an old woman pushing a tiny shopping cart against the arrow on the floor,

“WRONG WAY BITCH!”

I can’t wait for the day when cancel culture finally arrives to tiny shopping cart shaming, and when that day comes we will all know that we’ve truly arrived as a civilized society.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on January 12, 2017.