There are two types of guys, stoic and funny, quiet and talkative. In our society, those who speak the least are often regarded as the smartest. Who becomes the village elder? The quiet guy who doles out tidbits of wisdom for the rest of us to follow. The funny guy becomes the village idiot, the court jester, the fool. Women don't like funny guys. They want the strong silent type. The guy who nods his head while someone speaks as if he's absorbing everything that unfolds, dissecting it, then rendering a wise decision.
You see stoic guys on dates in restaurants all the time. They just sit there with a girl, no one saying a thing. No one laughs or smiles. When their food arrives, stoic guy scoffs down his chow while never coming up to make a comment. Not even,
"Soup is good."
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| Stoic Guy |
Like a dog when fed, stoic guy keeps his head down when eating. That's because stoic guy is so super smart that he hasn't time to articulate the many complex thoughts circulating in his head. I was never a stoic guy, but I always wanted to be. I was the funny guy who entertained women on dates. They laughed. They cried. They looked about for a stoic guy who they could go out with next. For, you see, women do not marry the funny guy. They marry the mature man who knows to stay quiet, the mystery man whose depths are discovered like hidden treasure. The fact is comedians in our culture don't get laid. Just ask Carrot Top.
Women, I'm going to let you in on a secret. Stoic guy is not a genius. Stoic guy is a dope. The reason why stoic guy isn't talking to you at dinner is because nothing is going on in his head. You think he's brilliant because he's silent, but the truth is the average stoic guy is thinking about inconsequential things like whether Gumby ever actually rode Pokey or whether they remembered to clear the porn history from their cell phone. Stoic guy doesn't speak because he has nothing to say.
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| Funny Guy |
Woman are making an evolutionary mistake by procreating with stoic guy. Stoic guy is intellectually inferior to funny guy. It's a fact. One of the chief traits of gifted children is their desire and ability to make others laugh. Middle school students are often very quiet and shy because no one knows how to hone in on something embarrassing faster than a group of middle schoolers. Funny guy usually has a better go of middle school because he can defend himself. Stoic guy is forced to develop thick skin to survive while funny guy develops a sharp tongue to do the same.
Unfortunately, stoic guy usually wins in the end. Stoic guy becomes the project manager. Woman love stoic guy because they see him as deep, gentlemanly, mature, but they're wrong. Stoic guy is not firing on just one cylinder. Stoic guy has only one cylinder. He doesn't care about current events, he doesn't have an opinion nor does he vote. You don't want to marry stoic guy because you'll have stoic kids who will be brutalized in middle school. Everyone knows that project managers are the people who can't actually do any real work.
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"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
Twain was wrong. It doesn't happen that way. The quiet guy is never thought of as a fool even thought he most certainly is. Twain might have had a better grasp of reality if he was more like his sister, Shania.
So there you have it. Go for humor because it's the stoic guy who thinks himself to be wise, but the funny man knows himself to be the fool.
Editor's Note: Originally posted on May 25, 2017.
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