The Chicken or the Egg

Years ago when I was in fifth grade at Saint Joseph's Catholic School in Rhode Island, I was deemed a "troublemaker." It all started one day when Sister Mary Artifact told us a story about a boy and a scientist. She said,

One day a little boy asked a scientist, "Which came first? The chicken or the egg?"



The scientist asked the boy why he wanted to know. The boy said, "You're a smart scientist. You should be able to tell me which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

The scientist said, "Why don't you go outside and play little boy."

Sister Mary concluded her fable with the ominous warning,

You see, scientists can't tell us everything.

Sister Mary Artifact was French. She was a thousand years old and shaped like a pear. She never smiled. A lot of nuns smacked us around back then. Sister Mary insulted us often in between cracks to the head. She routinely publicly singled me out for embarrassment. Oddly, she always seemed to be coughing up phlegm.
 

I thought about her story in my eleven year old mind. My parents had a subscription to National Geographic Magazine. That was how I got all my science education during the eight years I spent in parochial school. I had recently read an article on evolution. I raised my hand.

"Sister," I began, "If God created the chicken or the egg, then the scientist would have no clue which He made first. If the chicken evolved, then the egg came first."

Sister Mary Artifact looked at me sternly.

"You think you're smart," she issued, "Bobby Languedoc thinks he's smarter than God."

I didn't think I was smarter than God just smarter than her. For some reason I spit out a question that had bothered me during all my years in Catholic School.

"Sister, why does God let babies die?"

Sister Mary was pissed. At eleven, I wasn't good at interpreting the expressions on the faces of people, otherwise I wouldn't have asked her a question. She responded,

"God is infinite. Bobby Languedoc thinks he's infinite too."

Now, I was sure I wasn't infinite. I just wanted an answer. Sister Mary added,

"It's not for you to know. Bobby Languedoc is a real troublemaker."

That label stuck with me for the rest of my time in Catholic school. Recently, a friend of mine forwarded a video of Bishop Barron, the auxiliary bishop of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. He has a very prolific online presence with his Word on Fire ministry.

Bishop Barron

Bishop Barron has a PhD in theology. He's very knowledgeable about history. He's a smart guy who offers very interesting perspectives on many religious topics and current events. I watched the video my friend forwarded me. At the end, Bishop Barron took some questions from the audience. A woman asked,

"What do you tell people who ask why God lets children suffer?"

I was very interested in what Bishop Barron had to say since after all these years this question still puzzled me, and he's a way smart dude. Bishop Barron said something like,

"God is infinite. We are a finite mind trying to understand an infinite mind."

That's it? Forty years after my chicken or the egg encounter in fifth grade, and the Catholic Church still punts when it comes to why God lets children suffer? I got the same answer decades ago from Sister Mary Artifact that Dr. Barron was now unloading on this thoughtful woman.

So this got me thinking again about why babies die. It seems so unfair. When a religion depends on an unknowable answer, then we might as well apply that to everything. I think any possible hypothesis should be able to explain most if not all of it. The incomprehensible approach is an assumption which covers the parts of the belief that don't quite fit the hypotheses. A lot of religious concepts were originated to control the masses, not to explain how things might work, like fish on Fridays, the caste system or burkas.

The Bible states that we live and die only once, and we don't marry people in heaven. A priest once told me that heaven is like a big feast. This last bit must have been a huge hit in medieval times when the average family went hungry on a daily basis. He also told me we become nonphysical beings when we die. Even the uptight Muslims believe in 88 black eyed virgins bestowed on martyrs. The problem I have with all of this is that it needs a bit of updating. No one unless they're in a lot of agony wants to die. The idea of heaven as a feast is unappealing to me. Not being married to my wife and not getting any action doesn't sound like a lot of fun. Rather than some well prepared dinner for the life after, I prefer another go around here on earth.

Many religions embrace reincarnation like Hinduism. The problem with this religion is they believe in the caste system here on earth. If you are born a peasant, then be a good peasant in this life, and in the next life, you'll be something better. The Bible says that you can't get into heaven from good deeds. Many Christian fundamentalists believe you need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ to get into heaven. Nuns used to tell us that if Hitler asked for forgiveness he would have gotten into heaven, and if Mother Theresa stubbed her toe and used the Lord's name in vain just before she got hit by a bus, then she would go to hell. That just doesn't seem fair.

More people have died than are alive today so there must be billions of people in heaven just milling about looking for something to do. If the earth was your project, wouldn't you send people back who did a good job already? I believe if you do more good than bad on this planet, you go back for another whirl. God allows for randomness in conjunction with free will which is why bad things happen to good people, even babies. But God puts you back into the mix if you draw the short straw. A baby who dies is reborn, and God stacks the deck in their favor. Why wouldn't He? He's God.

If you kill someone or yourself, your soul is ended. That much disrespect for life, and you're done. God wants you to live in the real world, in reality, to try your best, to stay off drugs and don't smoke because those things are stupid. He wants you to bring about more good than bad, and preferably very little bad. I don't think you have to believe in Christianity. I think it's more important to not be an asshole which in itself eliminates a lot of us.

I don't think there is a hell or a devil. Those ideas just don't make any sense. Free will brings about enough trouble without a need for some horned dude sneaking about. Why would God let the devil exist? Why doesn't he snuff out that guy right off? Does God really torture millions of people in the fires of hell, or does he just dispatch them and move on? I know the Bible says God can be vengeful, but I don't buy it. Why would an omnipotent being waste time punishing douchebags?

So to answer the question which came first, the chicken or the egg? Evolution says the egg. Creationism could be either. Why do babies die? Chaos and free will add randomness to our lives here on earth. Sometimes, you draw the short straw. Make the best of it, and next time around things will be better.

There's a lot of questions that we'll never be able to answer like is the Loch Ness Monster real, are there aliens stored in refrigerators at Area 51 and what is the song, Tiny Dancer, all about? For everything else, a little logic goes a long way. William of Ockham, a Franciscan Friar, said in the 13th century to always pick the hypothesis with the fewest assumptions.

Life and death seem to make more sense to me ever since I started shaving with Ockham's razor.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on February 23, 2017.