Trump's First Dog?

Obama Avoiding Bo

Almost all presidents pick a pet for the White House. Historically, only three didn't, Millard Fillmore, the last Whig Party president, Franklin Pierce, the first president to deliver an inaugural address entirely from memory, and Chester Allan Arthur, who took over after Garfield was assassinated. Some presidents had quite the menagerie at the White House, including horses and farm animals.


George Washington's wife, Martha, had a parrot named "Snipe." Jefferson was gifted two grizzly bear cubs which he deemed "too dangerous & troublesome for me to keep." Andrew Jackson had a foulmouthed parrot, named "Poll." Historians believe that the bird picked up the predilection for colorful language from listening to Old Hickory. The bird was present at Jackson's funeral. Just before the eulogy by Reverend William Menefee Norment, the bird got excited and started swearing so loudly that attendants removed it from the house. Abraham Lincoln signed a proclamation on Oct 3, 1863 establishing the last Thursday in November as a "day of Thanksgiving and Praise." A turkey sent to the White House for Christmas dinner was named "Jack" by Lincoln's son, Tad, who adopted the bird as a pet. When Tad learned the fate of Jack, he interrupted a cabinet meeting to plead with his father to spare Jack's life. Lincoln, having a soft spot for his young son, pardoned the bird.


Roosevelt Refusing to
Shoot Mickey Mouse

Theodore Roosevelt had his own zoo at the White House with dogs, horses, snakes, guinea pigs, an owl, some lizards, five bears, a lion, a hyena and a zebra. On a hunting trip in Mississippi, Roosevelt refused to shoot an old bear that his guides tethered to a tree. Cartoons, depicting a benevolent Roosevelt refusing to cap a frightened bear cub, soon made it into the newspapers. A Brooklyn candy shop owner put two stuffed bears that his wife made in his window, calling them "Teddy's Bears."

Calvin Coolidge had a load of animals as well including a donkey, a bobcat and a pygmy hippo. He is best known for the Immigration Act of 1924 which was drafted to limit immigration to the United States from Southern and Eastern Europe. The act restricted immigration from Africa, and outright banned it from Arab and Asian countries.

Nixon Explaining How
Much He Pays for
Toilet Paper 

When Nixon was selected as Dwight D. Eisenhower's running mate in 1952, he came under scrutiny for misappropriating campaign funds which threatened his place on the ticket. Nixon appeared on television giving a speech detailing his household finances. He concluded with a story about how his family received a black and white cocker spaniel as a gift which his daughter named "Checkers." He said,

"I just want to say this right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep it."
 

Naturally, Nixon's story about the little dog resonated with the American people, and weeks later Eisenhower and Nixon were swept into office.
 

Happier Times for
Socks, Hillary and
Monica

The more recent presidents seem to opt on just cats and dogs. Clinton had "Socks" the cat while George Bush had a Springer Spaniel named "Spot." Obama took months before he selected "Bo," a Portuguese Water Dog, due to his daughter's allergies. Obama is rarely photographed playing with Bo or Sunny, the second First Dog, leading many people to believe that he doesn't actually like them. If that's true, it can't be over the odor since I'm sure the dogs don't smell as bad as cigarette smoke.

In this country, the president has to have a dog if they want to be reelected otherwise dog owners, which is everyone but me, won't vote for them. In the United States, you have to like dogs or people will assume that there is something wrong with you. We should just get on with it, and make it a law that every household has to have at least one dog. The medical brain trust is split down the middle in regards to allergies and pet ownership. Half claim early exposure to pet dander and hair provides immunity while others believe it exacerbates allergies. Hillary Clinton had a coughing fit during a campaign stump speech which she blamed on her rival by saying,

"Everytime I think about Trump I get allergic."

She also claimed that her private email server was hypoallergenic and helped with her sinusitis.

President Trump

Trump had a case of the sniffles during the first debate which he blamed on a faulty microphone. I think he suffers from allergies as well since the events were held in the middle of ragweed season. Or it could have been the excessive amount of Charlie cologne Hillary was wearing.

I've been wondering what kind of dog President Trump will pick for the White House. Perhaps a Great Dane? That would work. They only live for about eight years. Or maybe a Doberman Pincher, named "Bull." Whenever Trump is dissatisfied with someone in the Oval Office, he'll yell,

"Sic balls, Bull!"

Trump's first wife, Ivana, wrote in her tell all book that Trump hated her poodle, "Chappy," who would aggressively bark at him. When Trump is dissatisfied with someone, he often tweets that they were fired or choked "like a dog." Ivanka Trump was criticized for giving her daughter an all white dog named "Winter." Television producer, Jared Kotler, tweeted,

"...when you want to seem human and get a dog, maybe a shelter dog would show humanity. But all white and blue eyes is on brand. Fuck off."

To think poor Winter was force castrated without consent, and now people think he's a symbol of racism.

My prediction is that Trump will go against the recommendation of all his top advisors and won't get a dog for the White House. A self described germaphobe, who doesn't like to shake hands, who vetted women he wanted to date for STDs, and who likely suffers from allergies, certainly will not allow an animal into his home. Trump won't care that you won't vote for him for not having a dog. He favors his own instincts over politically correct maneuvers.

Just maybe, that's what we need right now.

Editor's Note: Originally posted on November 11, 2016. Trump is the fourth president to pass on a pet for the White House which is the real reason why Democrats are trying to impeach him.