"Rules are guidelines."
He believes that if they really want to keep you out of some place, they'll put a lock on the door. According to Bill, signs like "Employees Only" are merely suggestions. Back in the 90's, Bill waltzed barefoot right into a BlockBuster with me. When I saw the sign on the door indicating that shoes were required, I told Bill he should wait outside, but he was unfazed. He strolled up and down the aisles in his naked feet searching for a movie.
Back then when you wanted to watch a film, you had to get in your car and drive to the local video rental store. After discovering that the latest hot release, of which they had nine copies, were all out, you would wait by the return bin to see if someone dropped off one of them. I used to called this "hovering." That's what I was doing while Bill casually strolled the aisles perusing the jewel cases of the foreign films nobody ever rented.
I remember the first time I saw a customer with a dog in a store. It was in the local True Value. A woman was in the paint section with two dogs in tow. They were those little yapping Yorkshire lap dogs which circled her repeatedly. She appeared to be in a tangled mess as the leashes wrapped around her legs. One dog shot a pile of dookie on the floor. I know they were likely service dogs, but now someone needed to service the floor with a mop. Today, it's common for pet owners to go into a store with their dog or fly with them on a plane.
The last time I flew, I stepped in dog shit on the airplane and in the airport. That was it for me. While the pandemic grounded most of us, I had already vowed not to board an airplane again until the airlines sorted all this out. In 1986, Congress passed the Air Carrier Access Act which required airlines to carry any animal that "assists the customer with physical, emotional, psychiatric or medical support." The number of pets flying the dog friendly skies skyrocketed. Travelers wanting to avoid the charge for flying an animal started declaring their dogs as service pets, a designation that until recently required no formal training or certification. It's sort of like using someone's disabled permit to get a better parking spot.
In December of 2020, the Department of Transportation announced new guidelines in regards to emotional support animals which are no longer considered service pets. Some airlines restrict service pets to specific animals and breeds. Delta was sued recently by a passenger who was bitten in the face while seated on a flight. Apparently someone needed a vicious dog for emotional support in order to fly and the animal attacked a fellow traveller. In response to the litigation, Delta required "confirmation of animal training" and banned pit bulls as service pets.
With all these people bringing in their dogs into stores, I thought maybe I should try wheeling my bike into a store next time I needed something. Truth is I never dreamt of doing that because the thought of doing so made me exceedingly uncomfortable. I do sometimes need small items like batteries or a locknut though. If I stop on my bike, I will avoid starting an internal combustion engine and adding to the warming of the climate. I always relent even though there are no signs specifically telling me that a bike may not be brought into the store. It's just something I can't bring myself to do.
So recently I decided as I passed by the hardware store on my bike I was going in to get some big boy Burpee tomato seeds. As I approached the store, I started to have second thoughts. I just felt bad that I was breaking an unwritten rule not to bother other people in public by toting my personal cumbersome shit with me. I was troubled that others had to accommodate my eccentric behavior. As the automatic doors slid open, I hesitated then I pushed in bike and all.
As I passed the courtesy desk staffed by two employees who never seem to do anything, I was sure they both gave me the once over. I swear I heard whispering. One pointed in my direction as I dove for the aisle. I navigated past several customers, one shading me with a stink eye. I made my way to the gardening section when an employee approached,
"You need something for your bike?"
"I need seeds," I answered.
He watched me with his hands on his hips. I knew the employee wanted to say something, to object to me bringing my personal flotsam into the store. He never offered me any assistance. I found my seeds then headed for the cashier. In the line at the register an elderly woman, holding a curtain rod, stared sternly in my direction. I imagined her coming at me, rod aloft. Surely, this was all in my head. When she reached the cashier, she exclaimed,
"Next time, I'll just drive my car right through the front door!"
I felt terrible as my turn neared. The customer behind me stayed back a good ten feet, six of which was for the virus and the rest was for my body oder. The cashier rang me up without any of the normal friendly banter. I was relieved to get out of there with my bike and seeds.
The experience left me wondering why bringing my bike in the store made me feel so self-conscious. I didn't like breaking a rule nor annoying other people. When smoking in restaurants was commonplace, people never seemed to care if they bothered strangers. Sure, they were addicted to a drug which took over their sensibility otherwise they wouldn't continue to smoke seeing how it was killing them. I'm not sure how a pet alleviates anxiety from someone suffering from a mental disorder. Seems to me it would make things worse. An animal in public which others are not allowed to interact with calls attention to you, something most people especially those suffering from anxiety would never invite.
But what do I know? I'm just some guy on a bike who doesn't want to bother you.
Editor's Note: Originally posted om March 6, 2018.
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