What Did Bush Say to Obama?

Recently five former presidents gathered at Texas A&M University for a hurricane relief concert. During President Clinton’s speech, Bush leaned over to Obama and said something which cracked Obama up. Obama did his best not to chuckle, but things are generally funnier when you're not supposed to laugh. Having been raised a Catholic, I’ve been in that situation many times before.

Years ago when I was in middle school, we were discussing the Apostle Peter’s denial of Jesus after the crucifixion. My friend, Dean, looked to me and whispered,

“Jesus who?”

I immediately started smirking, then I said to Dean,

“The only Jesus I know does my car detailing.”

Dean burst out busting both of us. Sister Mary Artifact marched to the back of the room and smacked Dean on the back of the head. She sent me to stand in the front of the room in a corner with my back to the class. This wasn't a good idea. In the back, I was disruptive to only my immediate neighbors. Up in the front of the class, I had an audience. I stood up there and pretended to smoke my pencil which caused a few of my classmates to laugh. I pulled paper out the wastepaper basket which I mock read with astonishment. I discovered a small milk carton in the trashcan which I pretended to guzzle. Whenever Sister Mary wasn't looking I would turn and face the class and mouth her words as she spoke intently. When Sister Mary ventured to the back of the class to swat the closest chuckling classmate, I exclaimed,

"Biggus Dickus."

Now, if you haven't seen Monty Python's Life of Brian then stop reading and go watch it now. The scene in which Caesar, played by Michael Palin, explains to a centurion, played by John Cleese, that his friend "Biggus Dickus" had a wife named "Incontinetia Buttocks" used to make us laugh uncontrollably every time. Palin's lisp made it all that much funnier. The nuns considered the Life of Brian blasphemous so naturally we all watched the movie the first chance we got. The roman guards trying not to laugh was a familiar scenario for Catholic school kids. Most of us took a beating for laughing at some point during our Catholic education.

When Obama tried not to laugh at Bush's comments, the look on Bush's face was all too familiar to my middle school mind. As I watched the video, I came up with this list of top ten possible Bush comments that made Obama laugh.

1. Would he just die already.
   
2. Hey, Barack, pull my finger.
3. I wonder which of us use Boll & Branch sheets?
   
4. Where's Puerto Rico?
   
5. You hear Carter wants to help Trump? And to think, Larry Flynt is trying to stick it up 45’s ass.
   
6. Hillary wanted to come, but she didn’t get the email in time.
   
7. Is he introducing Harvey Weinstein?
   
8. You think Carter will make it to the end?
   
9. Beyoncé had the best video of all time
   
10. We’re all gonna get matching tats after this.

When Bush started smirking and Obama smiling, I couldn't shake the feeling that Sister Mary Artifact was going to emerge from the crowd and shuffle across the stage. She'd crack Obama in the head and send Bush to stand in the corner. Of course, in my day, Sister Mary was a thousand years old so its not likely she's still around, but you never know. Sister Mary wasn't the picture of health in 1976. She was pear shaped, and for some reason she was always coughing up phlegm. I was never molested or anything like that during my eight years of Catholic education, but I was smacked in the head more times than I care to remember.

Either way, something tells me that Bush is going to keep the laughs coming.